I let the water spill over me~ I want to wash this away. Gently my tears join in with the rest of the water dancing at my feet mocking me, I wonder how I am ever going to get through this. today is not a good day.
My baby is sick. Really sick and I am afraid.
I am trying to trust, to hand over this piece of my heart into able hands but I can’t let go- not even for a moment for fear that I will lose him. I can’t lose him, I am not that strong.
Yesterday was a better day, but tomorrow Declan will have an MRI and a blood transfusion and then this thing is really real, and that scares me.
I can’t talk about this anymore for fear that I will crack, split open and reveal the fear amid darkness that envelopes me.
I am not this strong, or am I?
If I trust Him with the little things than why can’t I trust Him with the big things.
The ultimate test of faith. A mother and her child. Fear and piercing pain. Hope and a peace not of my own. I feel it, now I just have to believe it.
I will trust in you Lord, for you are my strength for alone I am not that strong. But with you Lord all things are possible.
Pray I can be that strong. I need to be for him.